Molly's Choice
by markab
Summary: AU. When Captain James is faced with life changing injuries, will Molly's love for him be enough? R&R. ******STORY NOW COMPLETED**************Thanks for reading it.
1. Chapter 1

_**DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'Our Girl' or it's characters, they belong to the BBC.**_

_**Some lovely reviews again. Thank you.**_

_**XXXX**_

_**1/20**_

_**THE AFTERMATH part 1:**_

_**"Man down, Man Down!"**_

_**"Captain James has been hit...hold your fire!"**_

_**...**_

"I just need to get to the hospital, Mum...I need to see if Smurfs alright and that"

That's what she said to Belinda when she landed back at Brize Norton. They had given her a heros welcome and she landed them with that. She should have gone to Barracks with the rest of the section but she was desperate to get to the hospital.

Nan had hired a Corsa to get Mum and Dad to Brize Norton. And she did some in it.

"I'll pay for the petrol nan"

"No, your dad can do that, Molls"

Dave shook his head from where he sat next to his daughter on the back seat as they cruised up the motorway,

"Tight mare!"

Belinda tried to twist her neck round, "should you been doing this Moll? Shouldn't you be going back to barracks or somemink first"

Molly stared out to the passing cars flying by, "I should be yeah...but I really need to see Smurf"

"You never were one for rules and regulations were you Molls!" laughed Dave, but Molly was not in the mood for jokes and wisecracks...she just wanted to see if he was alright...

Bossman had to be alright...

XXX

Molly had to hang around for ages at the hospital. When she got to the right department the nurses had said that Captain James was still in the operating theatre.

Smurf spotted her sitting in one of the plastic seats. His arm was cuffed up in a sling and he was in his PJs.

Molly looked up.

"He's in theatre"

"I know", Molly said shaking her head and standing.

Both of them looked at one another and it felt a bit awkward at first. Smurf thought it best to break the ice, "...you can't help the way you feel, just like I can't"

Molly could have broken down on the spot, "I'm so sorry Smurf...I really am..."

He took her hand with his free hand and they stood there looking at eachother.

"You are my best mate...I dont wanna lose you Smurf..."

"Just ya cake hole...you haven't lost me..."

They hugged each other and Smurf winced a bit due to his painful arm injury. Molly pulled away, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to hurt ya...the arm I mean!"

Smurf smirked, "It'll mend...like my heart"

They sat and it seemed like an age. The corridor was darkening as evening drove in.

Captain James was wheeled back to the ward, Molly stood, "Is he alright..?"

He didn't look alright...there was tubes up his nose and down his throat, he looked worse than he did before.

"We didn't expect that last bleed...and with the other complications, it's going to be a rough night for him"

Smurf frowned, "Complications...?"

The nurse turned at the door, "We are waiting for his family, before he is transferred to the spinal unit.

Molly and Smurf looked at one another, it sounded bad.

"Why don't you two both go and get some rest...", suggested the nurse.

Smurf shook hid head, "No...I said I'd wait and I will..."

"...and I'm not going anywhere...", added Molly.

Both of them looked through the window to their boss man on the bed. He was still hooked up to the machines.

"He looks bad", whispered Molly, there was cracked concern in her voice.

"He's a fighter...", but he looked at her, "...but there's something wrong with him...they were muttering something in the hospital in Afghan...something about where he was shot..."

Molly gasped as far as she remembered Captain James had been shot 3 times, in the side, in the leg and as he twisted, in the lower back at an angle.

She had tried to stem the bleeding that was her job. She didn't know anything about the ins and outs of spinal injuries.

She rested her head on Smurf's shoulder and he put his arm around her, he toyed with the engagement ring around her neck.

"Do you want it back?"

"No..."

"But you might need it one day...", she began, but he was adamant, "Just your cake hole..."

She closed her eyes and felt herself drift away...somewhere where the sun was still shining and there was a sweet glimmer of hope...

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_**A/N: A 'sort of' sad one. This story will have 20 chapters but will have 10 2 part storys. Captain James will have life changing injuries and Molly must decide if her love for him is strong enough to overcome the obstactles they both face.  
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_**It might be sad and bleak at times...but it should have a 'happy ending'!**_

_**As always let me know what you think...if I do then I you might get part 2 later on today...:) **_


	2. Chapter 2

_**DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'Our Girl' or it's characters, they belong to the BBC.**_

_**Some lovely reviews again. Thank you.**_

_**XXXX**_

_**2/20**_

_**THE AFTERMATH part 2:**_

Molly opened her eyes. She had been somewhere nice in her dream. She raised her head and her neck was a bit crook. She realised that she had lain on Smurf's good shoulder.

"Sorry"

Smurf nodded and then she woke herself up and stood to see that Captain James was not hooked up to the machines no more, a nurse was reading a chart.

And as she watched on through the window, he turned his head and looked back at her.

The nurse popped her head round and her smile was the green light that they could go in and see him. Captain James's eyes were fixed on Molly and then Smurf as they came and stood at the base of his bed.

There was a lot of small talk. Smurf apologised for what he did, how he lost control. Captain James was understanding, he said that he was proud to serve with him.

But Smurf could sense that the Bossman wanted to be alone with Molly, so he made his excuses and went off for a hospital breakfast.

Molly let her pack slip from her to the floor, "How are you?"

He looked so vulnerable lying there, she took his outstretched hand and she stroked his head, "You are going to be alright..."

That's when _she_ came in. First it was Sam, the 5-year-old, so excited that the nursing staff hadn't wiped off his message to his dad on his forearm.

Rebecca was very curt and her eyes bore into her like she was seeing through an X-ray. Molly had to make her excuses, she felt like the outsider and left.

"Good to see you Dawes", Bossman said.

"Ditto"

Rebecca's eyes were fixed to her again. That knowing look as to say 'if I didn't know anything was going on, I do know now'

Molly decided that she needed to see Smurf, but the rest of the section were there by the time she got there.

She thought she was going to be trouble for going AWOL but there is an air of compassion in the British Army.

But everybody thought it was Smurf she was worried about, who she had a thing for...more than a 'thing'.

She managed to find time to slip off and visit the bossman again. He smiled at her and gave her the nod to come in, Rebecca had gone by then. She and him were at last alone. For the time being anyway. He told her he was resigning his commission because of what happened on his watch.

He said he had failed her and the platoon.

Molly stroked is hair again, "You haven't failed no one...not in my eyes"

He hinted a smile at her from where he lay, "That's very commendable of you"

"Whatever...so...what are you gonna do now?"

The captain shrugged, "nothing at the moment...they say that I will be transferred to a spinal unit...I will have to go through all sorts of scans and Malarky to see what the damage is..."

Molly cleared her throat, "Is...is it really that bad?"

He met her gaze then nodded, "I can't move my legs Dawes...they say it might not be permanent, but I am daring to say that I am trying to be brave about it...but...well, I'll just have to wait and see"

Molly laughed it off and rubbed his arm, "You'll be alright...you're the bossman...nuffing can keep you down for long can it"

He held her gaze for a minute, then looked away, "lets hope so"

Molly looked up at the clock, "I'm gonna have to get back, they want me back at the barracks"

He reached for her arm and she looked back at him, "Dawes...you may have to have a review about where you go from here...you did brilliantly in Afghan I would hate to see you throw all that away"

Molly screwed her face up, "I cant go anywhere with you stuck in here can I"

Captain James raised his eyebrows at that, "but you can Dawes...that's what I am saying...you go back to the barracks and sort yourself out and that's an order"

Molly swallowed down, "I'll come back to see you soon..."

Captain James only nodded.

And she walked off down the corridor.

XXX

Smurf had watched the members of section two leave the ward to go back to barracks, Molly straggling along after them at some distance because she didn't want to leave.

With his Mother gone home, he took the opportunity to go visit the Bossman himself. In his room, Captain James was resting his eyes but they opened when he heard him walk into the room.

"Ah...Smurf"

Smurf nodded his head acknowledging his greeting.

"So what do I owe this pleasure of your company", asked Bossman. The Welshman shrugged, "Just feel the need to see you sir...I feel the need that I have to apologise again for what happened on tour, boss"

The Captain rolled his head to face his, "it's all good Smurf...I meant what I said to you earlier...it was an honour to serve along side you Smurf..."

"But there will be an investigation won't there Boss?"

Captain James looked at him, "yes there will be...my commanding officer has said as much when he came to see me...but I am doing my utmost best to get you all the help you need..."

Smurf nodded, "It was out of order what I did and what I said...I will take aboard what happens to me..."

The Bossman held his gaze and then nodded, "As I said...I'll do whatever I can for you...it will all be in my report"

There was a silence between them for a few seconds, before Captain James cleared his throat and asked, "Has...Has Private Dawes left the hospital Smurf?"

"She has Boss"

"Good...because what I am about to ask you now is strictly off the record and more on a personal level"

Smurf nodded.

"I want you to look after Dawes for me...make sure she does nothing damned stupid like giving everything up on nothing but a silly infatuation"

Smurf frowned, "She's in love with you Boss"

He nodded, "I need you to stop her coming to see me Smurf...will you do that for me .."

Smurf shook his head, his eyes were watering up, "You did a lot for me and my mother when my brother was killed...I have to say yes, don't I"

The captain blew out a laugh trying to make light heart of a hard situation, "I'm afraid it is an order Smurfboy"

"I'll do my best...but you know Molly"

"Yeah...I do, but I think I can count on you Smurf"

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**_A/N: As promised chapter two today! Thanks for the reviews and ignoring the nutters. The story will gradually pull away from the TV scenes now because obviously it's going into a different direction. Hope you are enjoying it and the next two chapters will 'Homesick'_**

**_Feedback keeps me going! So please leave a comment or two. I know I go for Drama for than fluffy, I just hope I don't put readers off!_**

**_Thanks again M _**


	3. Chapter 3

_**DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'Our Girl' or it's characters, they belong to the BBC.**_

_**Some lovely reviews again. Thank you. HOPE YOU LIKE THIS.**_

_**XXXX**_

_**3/20**_

_**HOME-SICK part 1:**_

_Captain James laid back on the bed as the nurses around him got him ready for the scan, he looked up at the ceiling and swallowed as he waited to be wheeled from the ward._

_XXX_

"Looks good on you that, Moll"

Molly stood outside her parents place with Smurf having a closer look at her medal for bravery she had received the day before. She shrugged at him, "I dont feel like I deserve it...my heads all over the place, the last fing I feel like is a hero"

Smurf placed his good hand onto her shoulder, "you saved me _twice, _Moll...you _do _deserve that medal believe me...and the boss did too or he wouldn't have spoken out about it..you saved him too"

Molly blew out a laugh, "that explains why he's still stuck in his hospital bed in Birmingham, does it?"

Smurf tried to look brave, "He'll be fine...as you keep on saying, he's a fighter...he'll get through it"

Molly looked up at the England flag that flapped from the bedroom window above them, "it's funny...even though I'm home I feel homesick"

Smurf could relate to that, "for Afghanistan?"

She nodded looking glad that he understand, "all that lot in there just dont understand, do they? Not that they should...they dont know wot we all went through...all they get to hear about his all the good stuff that the news plays out"

They went indoors where Belinda was making them both a hearty breakfast. She winked at Smurf, "You get that lot down ya Smurf...it'll keep ya big and strong"

Molly smirked, "Yeah and give him a heart attack on the spot with all that grease swimming about on the plate"

Smurf smirked back at her, "Heart attack on a plate Molls...that's what my Gran used to say"

Belinda sat with them, "So...I woz finking Molls...that medal of yours...we could give it pride of place in the living room, wot do you fink?"

Molly didn't look too enthusiastic about that suggestion, "Do wot you want with it Mum...it dont mean anyfing to me"

Smurf watched her move the sausage about the plate, "Are you gonna be eating that..?"

She shook her head and put down her knife and fork, Smurf leaped in with his own fork and nabbed the sausage, "More for me then...!"

XXX

_Captain James was being maneuvered into the cat scan. He swallowed and held still like he had been instructed to do. He did as ordered. In fact, he decided to go along with this as a true military man and treat it as a maneuver._

_Better that, than the real reason he was being placed under the scan..._

XXX

Whilst Molly was having a quick shower upstairs, Belinda left the plates in to soak and dried her hands talking to Smurf, "So wotsup with her? Why is she being all...I dont know...she should be acting like a hero, but instead shes got a face like a slapped arse"

Smurf shrugged, "Dont know Mrs Dawes...she's just feeling it, that's all...you know being back, it's kind of weird for all of us"

She leaned on the counter and nodded, "I'm just glad she's home in one piece...and not like you"

Smurf glanced down at his arm in a sling, "She saved me...she does deserve that medal even if she thinks she don't...my Mum would put it pride of place"

"I might just do that"

XXX

_Captain James was slowly coming out of the cat scan. He turned his head to see the his consultant and the doctors through the glass watching him. They had given him a choice of music whilst in the apparatus. A bit of calming Mosiarc, nothing like a nice bit of classical._

_He saw that the nurse and health care worker were in chamber again, she smiled at them._

_"Don't tell me...I have to wait some time more for him to tell me what the damage is...?"_

_"Relax Captain James...Mr Fornbury will speak to you when he has studied the results...but you will hear today..."_

_Captain James tried not to look too nervous about that, "Yeah...well...there's nothing like the feeling of none the wiser...just hope it goes my way..."_

XXX

Molly decided to show Smurf a bit of London, he said he liked Black Cabs and red Buses, but she couldn't be arsed with all that, you see enough of them around anyway, so she opted for one of the riverboats on the Thames.

As they leaned over the side looking down at the water, Smurf turned, "Hey...you still up for Vegas, aren't you?"

Molly looked back at him and just shrugged.

He knew that she was thinking of him.

"He'll okay Molls...the Boss I mean..."

She frowned back at him, "How did you know I woz finking about him?"

He laughed and stared towards the Houses of Parliament, "you had that look"

"Wot look? Do I have a look do I?", she laughed.

"Yep...afraid so"

She laughed as she glanced away, "Well...I'm see for myself when I go visit him"

Smurf remembered what the boss had told him, "You can't...I mean...he might not want you to"

She looked puzzled as they changed sides at boat rail, "Eh? Did he say that?"

"Dunno...", and that sounded lame.

"Well I'm seeing him...it's been a week Smurf...I really need to see him"

XXX

_Captain James was sitting up in bed in the spinal Unit. The consultant, Mr Fornbury, was present with a nurse._

_"So...D-Day then"_

_"Captain James, I just want to do some further tests on you if that's alright..."_

_He nodded and watched the nurse get into position at his legs, was that a pin she was handling? She glanced at him, then at the consultant who shook his head._

_The nurse pressed the pin to his toes._

_"Can you feel that?"_

_The Captain's brown eyes focused down to this toes, but there was nothing...no feeling at all._

_The consultant nodded towards the nurse who moved the pin to the Captain's lower leg._

_"What about this time...anything...a sensation, a pinprick...anything...?"_

_Captain James closed his eyes there was nothing, he opened them again and looked at the consultant, "It seems very clear to me that I am paralysed..."_

_"It might seem so...but before you start to lose all hope...I do have good news...about your scan..."_

_He looked up to the consultant as he continued..._

XXX

Molly was lounging on the couch on her phone, "So you got home alright then? You prize pranny getting on the wrong train...yea...keep in touch and I'll send your love to the boss!"

Belinda leaned on the door frame clutching a mug of tea.

"...all right Smurf...see yeah", she ended the call.

"So he got home alright?"

Molly laughed and shook his head, "You just heard didn't ya Mum...that was him"

She went and sat next to her on the couch, "He could have stayed here love...you know the couch is always free"

"Nah...we are just friends Mum before you go getting any funny ideas"

Belinda gave her a knowing smile, "You could do a lot worse, Moll"

Molly stood and shook her head, "nah Mum, we are just best mates that's all...look...I'll be out all day tomorrow"

Her Mum looked disappointed, "But you've only been back a few days...where are you going?"

"I just _need _to see someone, that's all...I'll be back in no time..."

"Just as long as you are, your dad wants you to do a lap around West ham Stadium"

She sighed that thought off, "That can wait...I've got more important fings to do Mum...look, I'm having an early night, I'll see you in the morning, yeah"

XXX

It was afternoon when Molly stepped foot into the hospital in Birmingham. She had heard that Captain James had been the spinal unit for a couple of days now. Dressed in casual jeans and a jumper, she walked along the corridor and saw him through the window. He was lying back with his eyes closed, it looked like he was asleep, but then she could see the earphones in his ear. He was listening to music.

She knocked the door, but he didn't hear her, so she came forward and cleared her throat, when there was no response, she brushed her hand over his lower arm and he jolted and opened his eyes, they quickly focused on her and he immediately took the plugs from his ears and eased himself up.

She smiled, "You were well away there sir, woz you listening to anyfing I know?"

He shrugged at her, "Classical, Dawes...I very much doubt it"

Molly felt the coldness of his tone, he swallowed and looked at her, "Why are you here Dawes? You should be at home with you family"

Molly shrugged, "You are not with yours"

There was just the flash of a smile, "...and can you work out why?"

"I just came to see you boss...arent you pleased to see me?"

He closed his eyes for a moment and took in a breath. He then faced her, "I've had my scan and I've had all the tests they can do for me...this bossman is well and truly on the scrapheap...good job I resigned when I did"

This scared her, she looked down to his legs and then to his face, "What...what does that even mean?"

His eyes widened at her, "are you thick as you sound, Dawes...it _means _that I can't walk, that's what it means"

Molly was taken aback by his aloofness, "I woz only asking Boss...I didn't mean anyfink by it"

"Charles...", he corrected her with a short glance.

"Charles...", she grinned and looked away wanting to laugh, even he cracked a smile and reached out and pulled her arm, "What's so fucking hilarious about Charles..."

"I just wasn't expected that, that's all"

He softened to her, "look Dawes...Molly...when you leave here today, I don't want you coming back, do you understand me?"

"But..."

"take that as my last order to you Dawes...please...do as I ask"

Molly was all ones and twos, "I...I can't just...but you said...you said that there is nothing that can stand in our way now, _you _said that"

He searched her eyes and reached out to cup her face with his hand, she moved into it, "that was when we didn't know the damage...I do now...and it is completely and utterly pointless for us to even continue...your destiny is elsewhere now, Dawes"

"My destiny is with you"

"Not anymore...not like this...now, are you going to be disobeying an order...?"

She backed away and then ran from the ward, he closed his eyes, she had changed him, the Army had been his entire life until he had met her, and now she'd never know.

XXX

Outside the hospital Molly stood in the car park and looked up towards the spinal unit...this wasn't over yet...she was going to help him through this.

She loved him. Surely there has to be a way to get through to him?

She couldn't fathom what...but what she did now is...she wasn't going to give up now...not now when they had got this far...

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_**Feedback is always appreciated. It keeps me wanting to write the ever more! **_

_**The plan for this tale is...for chapter 20 to be set at Christmas time. But there is along journey for both of them until then...**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'Our Girl' or it's characters, they belong to the BBC.**_

_**Some lovely reviews again. Thank you. HOPE YOU LIKE THIS.**_

_**XXXX**_

_**4/20 Thanks so much for all the reviews!**_

_**HOME-SICK part 2:**_

_**XXX**_

Captain Charles James sat in the wheelchair in sweatpants and a T-Shirt as Rebecca and Sam came in through the door, the 5-year-old ran up to his Dad and pulled on him.

"Daddy, can you come home please? I want you to come home"

Charles looked at his son and ruffled his hair, "I can't scamp, I have to stay here for the forseeable"

Rebecca swallowed and put her hands together, "have they given you any inclination when you _can_ come home? To be honest it is such a chore coming up here every weekend, the motorway is horrendous and it's getting harder to keep Sam occupied during the journey up here"

Charles looked at her and shook his head, "Nice to see you are caring as usual...If it is that hard to keep a 5-year-old occupied, then don't bring him at all"

Sam started to tamper with things around the room, Rebecca stopped him, "He gets bored easily Charles, can't you see that"

Charles watched his son and sighed, "I don't want him to see me like this Rebecca...I would rather leave it until I can come home, and that in it self maybe a few weeks off yet, because they say I cannot go home until my parents house had been appropriately adapted"

"Oh you do waffle", Rebecca complained.

The Captain pulled a face at her, "Well I am sincerely sorry that I bore you as much as I do..."

Rebecca bit her lip and tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, "So...what _have _they said? Do they know if..."

Captain James raised his eyebrows when she stopped, "What? Will I be stuck in this wheelchair for the rest of my entire life? They don't know...they say my spinal cord is not severed, yet I still cannot feel my legs and my toes, so I am confidently sure that they know as much about this as you or I do..."

Sam was clinging to the Captain's leg, he couldn't feel him and that was so frustratingly painful for him.

"Pleasse come home soon...I miss you", the boy looked at him with pleading eyes.

Charles turned his head away from his son because he could feel the tears were about to fall, and that was not just tears of frustration or anger.

Rebecca came forward and took her son's hand, "Come on Sam...we have to let daddy rest...or he won't get better"

His eyes met Rebecca's and then she led her son out into the corridor, the little boy turned and waved back at him.

Charles waved back and watched them go, he managed to wheel the chair into the corridor and watched them disappear around the corner.

He swallowed and starting to feel the pressure of his frustrations, he went wheeled himself back into his room.

XXX

In London, Molly sat on the sofa reading through what her LCO had sent her. The Army was keen to keep her in the fold. She had done a good job out in Afghan and they wanted more out of her.

But how could she go? How could she go back out to Afghanistan and help mentor Afghan medics, when Bossman was lying in a bed with a future looking like he was never going to walk again.

Belinda was doing the ironing. She looked at her and frowned, "So wots all that about then?"

Molly sighed as she threw the paperwork onto the coffee table in front of her, "Nuffink...I can't read this properly at the moment, I've got too much going on in my head"

Belinda folded up the pair of trousers she had ironed, "Oh? Smurf looked fine when he woz last here...you dont have to worry about him, Molls"

"It's not him I worried about Mum..."

She looked like she was going to burst into tears, Belinda was quickly at her side on the sofa, "Wot is it Molls! Whatsup with ya?"

She cried on her mothers shoulder, "I dont fink he's gonna walk again and I fink it might all be my fought"

"Whos not gonna walk again, Molls you are not making any sense"

Molly swallowed down and pulled away trying to dry her eyes, "just the boss...he was hit bad and died three times in the helicopter...it's a miracle he survived at all"

Belinda tutted, "all this to worry about...wots it all doing to ya, a? Can you see why we worry about you so much, can you?"

Molly shook her head, because Mum didn't understand, "it's not that...it's him..."

"What about him...?"

But Dave was popping his head around the door, "Bel, are you gonna be putting the tea on or what, I've gotta few mates coming around remember"

Belinda was already up and folding up the ironing board, "Just getting on to it"

Molly stood and went to the door, Belinda stopped her, "wot was you gonna say Molls?"

Molly shook her head, "Nuffing...there's nuffing to say...stick mine in the oven when it's ready...I'm going out"

XXX

Molly went into town for a few drinks. She avoided her old haunts because she didn't particularly want to bump into any of her old friends.

After, she took in the night air, it was drizzling.

Charles. That made her smile. He would be called something like that...it matched him. If anyone would be called Charles it would be him.

Her thoughts turned to someone else. Bashira. Kaseem said he would make sure she was safe. Well not in so many words, but he was a good bloke and he would do it, she knew he would.

Deep down, she had to know for herself, see with her own eyes that Bashira was safe and sound. Maybe going back out there was not such a bad idea.

But she didn't want to leave things how they were.

XXX

When she got back to the Masonette, Nan was having a cigarette on the walkway. She turned to her.

"Alright Moll? I would stay clear of your father inside because he is farting like a good'em"

Molly pulled a face at the thought of it. Nan looked at her as she exhaled, "So you been out to see your friends have ya? Bit of a catch up, was it?"

Molly leaned on the rail and blew out a laugh,"I didn't see anyone Nan...I just wanted to be on my own"

"Your Mum said you were upset earlier..."

"Did she? She should keep her mouth shut then"

Nan placed a hand on Molly's shoulder, "Wot is it? She 's right about somemink Mol...you have been away with the fairies at times..."

Molly frowned, "am I?"

"Yeah...you look like you are faraway some where...is it that little girl you were telling me about the other night...Abisha"

"Bashira Nan...and no...it's not her"

"Then who then?"

Molly smiled at her, "I'm okay Nan...I've been doing a lot of finking while I've been out and I've decided I'm gonna be taking on a short tour"

"Ohhhh your poor mother...you do know how she is gonna take it Molls"

"I know Nan...but it's somefink I have to do...and there's somemink else I have to do first in all..."

And that was to tell Charles. There was no way she was going back on tour leaving it how it was between them. It was an excuse as good as any...even if it could potentially be a goodbye.

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_NEXT TIME: REJECTION BETTER THAN HEARTBREAK?...part 1_

_As always it's good to hear from you all, it's good to hear that you are enjoying the tail and if you want to see something happen (and if it fits in and at all possible), I will put it in._


	5. Chapter 5

_**DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'Our Girl' or it's characters, they belong to the BBC.**_

_**Some lovely reviews again. Thank you. HOPE YOU LIKE THIS.**_

_**XXXX**_

_**5/20 Thanks so much for all the reviews!**_

_**REJECTION BETTER THAN HEARTACHE? part 1:**_

_Everything in italics is Captain James writing in his journal._

_**XXX**_

_It's a grey day out. It is mid May, it is supposed to be spring, but it feels more like winter._

_It is bleak and it is dark. And that matches brilliantly with my feelings._

...

Molly looked into the mirror and made sure her beral was straight, then turned and readied her pack. She was ready, she was off on tour again. Well, not until the day after tomorrow, but she wanted to go up to Brize Norton early because she wanted to do something else too.

She desperately wanted to see Bossman.

Mum had been on edge for the last few days. Since telling her that she had taken a short 3 month tour to help mentor and train Afghan medics, she had become all clingy with her.

"I'm glad they are sending all of you home at the end of the year", she had said to her, "It's the best Christmas present I can have is 'aving my little girl home with me, with her family"

Molly understood that. But she had to do what she had to do.

Dad was gloomy too, so she did for him what he had banged on to her since she had got back from tour the last time. She stood pride of place at the centre of West Ham football stadium, then did a lap around it. Dad looked so proud, a smile at last from him.

Nan was the only one who understood. She knew the reason she had to go back out to Afghanistan and that was to make sure Bashira was alright.

If Kaseem had kept his promise then she would be, she just knew that from the very bottom of her heart. It just didn't feel like that because she was so many, many hundreds of miles away.

She crept down the stairs and peered into the living room and looked about it, it was chaos in there like it always was, with all the clutter lying about and washing hanging over the radiators.

She smiled to herself, then, heaving the pack over her shoulder, she clicked open the front door and she went along her way, not noticing Belinda looking out of the window with tears running down her face.

"Is that her...?", Dave asked from where he laid in the bed, the sheets tangled on the floor, Belinda didn't turn away from the window, but nodded, "Yeah..."

"She'll be okay Bel...she'll come back to us", coaxed Dave.

"I hope so...I really , really hope so..."

XXX

_The days are long, and they are getting longer because there was nothing to do. Listening to classical music and watching dreadful daytime TV was starting to grate on him._

_Is this it? Is this what life is all about now. I am such a proud man. I am an Army man through and through and to think that I could be sitting on my backside for the next 50 years is too difficult for me to comprehend..._

_XXX_

Molly stepped out of the taxi and walked into the hospital, the laden pack over her shoulder, it was afternoon and all she could think about was how he was going to respond to her when he saw her.

She reached the lift and pressed the call button. She waited and turned and watched a group of young kiddies in pyjamas playfully trying to shoot her because she was a soldier in a soldier's uniform.

When the lift came, she went up to level 4 and crossed the corridor to Captain James, room.

He was in his wheelchair. He was looking out of the window when she stepped into the room. He didn't turn, but he somehow knew that it was her standing there.

"I see you are still consistent Dawes. Disobeying orders. And here you are, why shouldn't I be so surprized"

Molly let the pack slip to the floor and cleared her throat, "you know me sir...what you see is what you get..."

He turned himself around and saw that she was in uniform, he was fleetingly taken aback, but he managed a smile, "So...you have decided to carry on with the good work Dawes, I am so proud of you...of course I have to congratulate myself, because I think it was a lot of me that has made you what you are today"

Molly thought about that, and disagreed a tad, "I was apart of that too...what I did last time on tour has made me how I am today...I feel like I'm a better person for it..."

Charles lowered his eyes to the floor, "You should wear your medal with pride Dawes, because you so undeniably deserve it..."

Molly begged to differ, she breezed out a laugh, "I dont fink so boss...I dont feel like I deserve it, I was only doing my job and I failed you"

"I think I am the best judge of that, don't you think Dawes?"

"But..."

"You saved Private Smiths life twice, didn't you? You acted on Instinct and there was me thinking you were going to come to nothing...I thought It was my incredible bad luck that I was hampered with a medic that was so wet behind the ears, she couldn't stand the sight of blood..."

Molly swallowed and looked to the floor, "fanks sir"

"You don't need to thank me, Private Dawes...I know I said I was a big part of your inital development, buy you did come to your own...you did good Dawes, if fact you did brilliantly and _that_ is why I spoke up about you deserving a medal"

She looked up and saw him grinning at her.

"Fanks sir...I know you said dont fank you but I cant help it..."

Their eyes held each other then he broke contact and intook a deep breath, "and now you are going back there...mentoring Afghan medics...If you want my opinion, they are extremely lucky to have you..."

Molly couldn't take all this praise, she really didn't deserve it. It didn't matter what anybody including him said.

She changed the subject, "I spoke to Smurf earlier...he wanted to wish me well and that...he's gonna get an apprenticeship at his uncle's garage or somefink...he wanted to fank you for sorting out that counselling for him...he said it really helped him sort out his head"

Captain James shrugged, "He's a good man...I was glad to serve with him...and I hope he benefits from it...and it's good that he's left the army...his Mother doesn't need the grief of losing two of her sons to the armed forces"

He looked up and met her eyes again, "and he is overwhelmingly lucky that he had you watching his back, you undoubtedly saved him Dawes, and that's why you deserve that medal and not be ashamed or embarrassed about it...you saved his mother a lot of grief"

She looked about the room and smiled, "I saved you too, didn't I"

Charles went quiet, then he looked up at her, "I wish you didn't...I wish that you let me bleed out and let me die...because I would rather that and live like this..."

Molly became all serious, Bossman looked really heartfelt now as he rambled on staring at the floor, "I hate my life now...I've always been an active man Dawes, I used to play Rugby in the Winter and was partial to a game of cricket in the summer...I can't do both of that now...I look at my legs and I am sure that I can feel the muscles just wasting away..."

"But...but you might be alright..."

He looked up at her, "You _know _that do you? You can stand there and tell me that I am going to be able to play a game of football in the back garden with my son...when...you tell me...next week? Next month? Next year or never..."

He swung the chair around and faced the window again, "...do something for me Dawes...you go back out there...you do what you are brilliant at...and maybe even find that little girl who I know you still think about...but just do one thing for me..."

Molly let the pause linger between them, she was nervous to ask. Finally she swallowed down hard and asked, "...what?"

"Move on...just be you...do what you believe and be fantastic...and forget about me"

"Is that an order?"

"If you want it to be"

She snapped, she lunged forward and blocked his view from the window and bored down to him, "You can sit there all you like with all your self-pity and that...but I'm not aving it, do you here me Captain?", She grabbed his chin and made him look at her, "You are better than this...you are stronger than this...you're a fighter...pleasssee..", she could feel the tears run down her cheek, "Please fight...you're a fighter...please, just do that...if not for yourself...but for me...for your Son..."

He looked at her, but was silent.

"I'm not gonna give up...and I'm not gonna be about to forget ya neither...when I get back..."

"Dawes..."

"...WHEN i get back...I coming back to you...and that's if you like it or not...so you better be getting used to it"

He met her eyes and there was a weak smile...not much, but it was something, she gave him a tearful smile, squeezed his hand and then she was off on her way, because she could swear she would burst into floods of tears if she stayed a moment longer.

XXX

On the plane out to Afghan, she sat with her fellow soldiers and tried not to think about too much about when she came back, at the moment it was about Bashira and she couldn't wait to see her..._if _she saw her...

XXX

_Once she is there...she is there...the sun, the sand the smell of Afghan getting up her nostrils. I wish I could be there with her...but that will never happen...hopefully, if there is a God up there and he chooses to be kind to me...I'll will shut my eyes tonight and drift off to sleep...and never wake up again. _

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NEXT TIME: Part 2

Hope you are not bored to tears with this! But I have a feeling this will be my last piece for Our Girl.


	6. Chapter 6

_**DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'Our Girl' or it's characters, they belong to the BBC.**_

_**Some lovely reviews again. Thank you. HOPE YOU LIKE THIS.**_

_**XXXX**_

_**6/6 Thanks so much for all the reviews!**_

_**REJECTION BETTER THAN HEARTACHE? part 2:**_

_**XXX**_

_JULY 2014_

Molly laid back on her bunk at Camp Bastion in Afghanistan. The night was hot and it was stuffy. She could feel the sweat on her body. She closed her eyes and thought about the letter she had wrote him. The only letter she had written to Captain James since coming out here 6 weeks ago.

_I am so happy. I saw her, I saw Bashira and she is safe like Kaseem promised she would be. I only got to see her for about 10 minutes. But it was well worth it. I had to be careful, I had to pretend to be Kaseems wife and that. It was mad! But it was such a relief to see her after all that time worrying about her when I was home._

_I am doing really well too. I am mentoring and helping to train Afghan medics. It's long days and hard nights but you know me, I'm not scared of a bit of hard work. Not now._

_I stood in front of a crowd and talked about it too. And the round of applause I got was well scary. But it made me feel great. I even had that major bloke shake my hand._

_I wish you was here. I miss you. I hope you are okay, I think about you a lot...and I hope you remember what I said to you before I left..._

Molly smiled, the letter would be halfway to England by now. Or so it should be. She sighed and rolled over and closed her eyes to ward off the Afghan night, just a few weeks and she would be back there too.

XXX

_AUGUST 2014_

Molly was packing up her stuff, it felt weird going back home to the UK. Jackie turned to her and smiled, "We are like passing ships you and me...you come here, I go...I come back and you go"

Molly laughed, "I told ya that you couldn't stay away, didn't I!"

Jackie shook her head, "Well...", she looked out of their accommodation and pulled a sad sigh, "...when I leave here...when it's time for me to go back, we will_ all _ be going home"

Molly swallowed, "is our work really done out here Jackie...do you fink we have done enough for them"

Jackie shrugged at her as she made ready her stuff, "Dunno Dawes...lets just hope so...for their sakes...

XXX

Molly spent the week after chilling out in Cyprus before flying home to Brize Norton. Belinda and Dave were there like last time, Nan doing the driving like she always did.

And finally, when she was allowed to go home, she couldn't wait to sleep in her own bed. Belinda wanted to chat all night, she was so excited with having her daughter back home with them.

Jade stayed awake too and they all sat underneath the blanket and snuggled up to one another before finally heading up to bed in the early hours.

XXX

The next morning, Molly folded up her Army Uniform and put it away in the wardrobe, she then went downstairs and got into her regular routine of having a run around the block before breakfast.

Whilst she was out running, she thought about him. Captain James. He never did reply to her, but then again, she wasn't really expecting him to. He had other things on his mind, like whether of not he was ever going to get up onto his feet again.

She stopped at a shop and looked at the newspapers in the window. A headline grabbed her attention.

November return for out troops.

She felt sad...it all seemed to be coming to an end...like an end of an era.

When she got home, Dave had his feet up and was watching sport on the telly, Belinda was doing her part time job at the school.

Whilst she put the kettle on, she grabbed her phone and pressed call.

"Guess who? Yep, I'm back...course I'm all intact what do you take me for Smurfboy! How's your apprenticeship going?", she leaned on the counter as the kettle boiled, "...oh yeah, so that means when I go get myself a car, I can get it fixed for free? Haha what do you mean there'll be a big call out fee? Ohhh the travelling from Newport to London, yeah that's a bit of a bummer if it is just a bump start with the jump leads!...Bossman? Not yet, how is he, I was finking that I...STILL...the same place, blimey...I didn't realise...he must be going out of his head, I know I would be...yeah...yeah, I'm gonna see him...I need to see him... "

XXX

The next day, Molly strolled up the hospital corridor and paused at the door to physiotherapy. She peered through the small window and saw Captain James heaving himself up between two bars in his vest and sweatpants. It looked like a physio bod was urging him to take the steps towards him.

Molly managed a smile, this was a good sign wasn't it? It meant that he wasn't permanently paralysed after all, and that he just needed to get his legs moving.

She couldn't hear what was being said inside, but she could tell by the look of the Captain's shoulders that he was really working on the muscles.

And the expression on his face looked rather like he was fighting the pain, even though she could only see a profile from where she stood.

It was a hell of a long time to be stuck in hospital for. If she was honest with herself, she half expected him to be at home with his parents, than being stuck in here.

She decided that she would surprise him and went back to his room. It was the same one because Sam's photo was on the side of the bed.

She went and over and picked it up and smiled at the cheeky face. The boy was eating ice cream, she had seen this picture before.

She placed it back down and was about to go sit down and wait when she saw the journal sitting on the other side of the bed, she frowned and went over to it and picked it up with both hands.

Feeling a tad guilty, she open it and started reading the first entry she came to.

_16th May 2014_

_it's a grey day out. It is mid-May, it is supposed to be Spring, but it feels more like Winter._

_It is bleak and it is dark. And that matches brilliantly with my feelings._

She pulled a face, that didn't sound very good at all. She looked further down and read.

_The days are long and they are getting longer because there is nothing to do. Listening to classical music and watching dreadful daytime TV is starting to grate on me. Is this it? Is this my life now? I am such a proud man. I am Army through and through, and to think that I could be sitting on my backside for the next 50 years is too difficult to comprehend..._

She swallowed, the hand writing was so nice, it was all graceful and neat and had tails in all the right places. But the content of that writing was worrying.

She leaved through some more pages and read.

_10th June 2014_

_How I dream of being back in Afghanistan. If I could be there now instead of here I would be jump joyously. There I know who I am. There life is easier, even though that must sound pretty odd to some other person who would read this..._

I can relate to that. thought Molly. She leaved through some more pages.

_18th June 2014_

_I dreamt that I was in the desert and there is gunfire all around me and there is a big smile plastered on my face. How can it be right if all I do is want to sleep and dream of being somewhere else, wanting to be in the crossfire of some far off war than be here...stuck here...trapped here where my legs are useless and my place in life in unbeknown to me let alone anybody else._

She sat on the bed and sniffed back the tears, she leaved ahead one more time.

_1st July 2014_

_God...poor Jimmy Little...he died today 3 years ago...I keep seeing him when I close my eyes and it's all there like it was real and I am simply just reliving it. I can see him step onto that landmine and see his body get blown to pieces...Jimmy Little, my best friend who I miss dearly ...and wish that I went up with that day too._

_Better to be dead than to live like this._

Molly slammed shut the journal and threw it beside her on the bed, not wanting to read anymore of its content. She swallowed down and shook her head to herself, surely he wasn't thinking like that now...he was on his feet...sort of...life is not as bleak as it first looked, was it?

She stood when she heard voices in the corridor, she quickly placed the journal back to where how she found it and stood there with her hands together not quite knowing what to do or say.

The physio man wheeled Charles into the room. Captain James looked up to her and hinted a surprised smile, "...you're back, then"

Molly smiled at him, and it just came out, "Missed me?"

The Physio turned as he saw that they were searching each others eyes, "I'll be back tomorrow and next time I'll bring in some of your Army mates to knock some sense into you"

Charles threw him a parting glance, "Do what you will"

Molly came forward, "So...where have you been? He looks like a guy from the physio...", she didn't want him to know she saw him.

Charles shrugged, "Yeah...they are trying to get me on my feet, but the legs are not having it...they seem to have other ideas", he wheeled towards the bed and turned, "So...when did you get back, and _more _importantly Dawes, _what _are you doing here?"

Molly pushed out her bottom lip, "So, you haven't missed me then?"

Charles chuckled, "Like a hole in the head..."

She approached and reached out her hand, he looked back at her and then extended his hand to take it, "I've missed you boss..."

"missed me? I'm sure mentoring all those Afghan medics out there have kept you far too busy surely..."

Molly gazed at him, he still hadn't answered her question, "so you haven't missed me at all...not even my big gob?"

He smirked at her, then he lowered his head and kissed the back of her hand, she smiled as she felt his lips on her skin.

"So you have missed me..."

"Ditto", and that was all he said, but it was a good as start as any.

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_**Feeling a bit under the weather today, Hope it hasn't reflected too much in the chapter! **_


	7. Chapter 7

_**DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'Our Girl' or it's characters, they belong to the BBC.**_

_**Some lovely reviews again. Thank you. HOPE YOU LIKE THIS.**_

_**XXXX**_

_**7/7Thanks so much for all the reviews! Due to lack of interest (not unsurprisingly because it is a rather horrible depressing story) I am not writing anymore. Thanks as always for reading and maybe one day I will be back to write for Our Girl (If there is a series 2!) Bye for now :) **_

_**EDIT: See notes below.**_

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_**HAPPY EVER AFTER**_

_**XXX**_

The office was bright. Brighter than he imagined a therapists office to be like. Charles sat there in his chair dressed in his smart army uniform with his medals pinned on show, his hair was combed and he was looking directly at the female therapist behind the desk. She had the right arm of her specs in her mouth and she was listening with interest.

"so you think you failed your entire platoon?"

Charles nodded, "I do...I did...I failed them all, I was supposed to be heading them, leading them, and it was me who led them into untold danger..."

"But you weren't to know the danger you were all in...how could you...as you have said, you were shot at by an enemy in disguise"

"Even so, with due respect, I should have known. I usually have a pure gut instinct for this kind of thing...it's my forte...this is what I do...and as the officer, I should be there looking ahead...making sure I am not leading my platoon into direct peril..."

The therapist closely watched him, she knew there was more to what he was trying to say, "and..."

Captain James looked up and met her eye line, "...I believe, no...I KNOW...my instincts were clouded...I wasn't fully in control...my mind should have been directly on the situation at hand, but it wasn't, I was thinking about something else..."

The therapist leaned forward, "Oh? So you are telling me that your mind was not fully on the task in hand...that you were...what? Distracted? By what...?"

Charles swallowed and broke eye contact.

She raised her eyebrows, "...or should that be...by whom?"

Charles opened his mouth to talk, but closed it again and gave her a nervous kind of smile.

"Captain James...whatever you tell me will go no further...what you tell me is strictly confidential, I am only here to help you"

Charles looked up to her again and then cleared his throat, "...there was someone on my mind...the medic...female...someone whom I have great growing affection for..."

"She..this medic...was on tour with you?"

"Yes...she was part of my section...my platoon, my team...she was someone who I was responsible for..."

The therapist rubbed her chin as she leaned back in the chair, "Is this the medic that saved you? If it wasn't for her prompt actions, you wouldn't have stood a chance"

He smiled back at her as he looked towards the window beside him, "I wish that she never saved me...and I feel really bad about thinking that, because what she did was incredibly brave...it was her who killed the man who shot me...she risked her life...yes, it's her job, it's what she is paid to do, but I was lying there worrying over her wanting her to keep down, keep low..."

The therapist didn't interrupt.

"...all I could think about as I lost consciousness, was how am I going to protect her now? How was I going to keep her out of harms way from those who wanted her dead..."

"Captain James, are you saying your were in love with somebody whom holds a lower rank than you?"

He was brutally honest, "Yes...and I know it goes against _all _Army regulations...I am armed forced to the core...Army regulations are my first and foremost...but then...it was like she put a spell on me...there was something about her..."

"But you blame her? You said that you wished you were dead...but she saved you"

"She did! When I woke up in that hospital having been told by the medical staff that I died more than 3 times, I was so relieved that I was still alive...when I saw that she was so worried about me, I could have cried tears of happiness because I realised she still felt the same way about me...that she had changed after flying back to the UK...but then..."

He looked sad.

"...then, I found out the true extent of the damage to my body...the third bullet hit the side of my slower spine and it paralysed me from the waist down...that was it...my world fell apart...everything I know was alien to me...I was just this...entity, trapped on a bed...that's when I thought about her saving me...I wish she didn't...I couldn't bear to even start to comprehend a life in a wheelchair..."

"Are you two...are you together now"

He shrugged, "Not in the real sense...it's too soon for me to look too far into the future...that's not fair for me, and more importantly for her..."

The therapist nodded, "Only you can decide that...we make our own futures in this world...and whether that it with her or on your own, you are the only one who should decide that..."

He blew out a laugh, "I wish life was easier...my life was simple before, living out of the bag and thinking about where the next tour would take me..."

"You have a lot to think about..."

"Yeah...I do..."

XXX

Molly was waiting out in the sunshine. It was warm, but the late August sun was starting to change the colour of the leaves on the trees around the green park around her. She was sat on the grass and through her shades, she saw Charles leaving the entrance of the hospital.

Charles had refused point blank range for an electric chair, he wanted a manual one to keep his upper body in fine trim.

She stood up and smiled at him as he came towards her on the pathway, "So...how did it go, did it help?"

He stopped and pulled a shrug at her, "she let me vent out and I did...then I just spoke about what happened on tour"

"Ohhh a she was she?", Molly laughed.

Charles laughed with her, "Yeah...she was nice, but I don't know if I'd want to get onto the wrong side of her"

Molly sighed, "So what now? Do you want to go out for lunch somewhere?"

He shook his head, "I want to get out of this uniform, I'm roasting my fucking arse off sitting here"

Molly teased him, "I can help you out of that uniform if you want me to, boss"

He looked up at her and their eyes held for a few seconds, before Molly gasped, "I've been desperate to kiss you since we last kissed..."

"That seems like a lifetime a go"

"It was...but I still want to kiss you"

He sniffed back and looked up at her, "What are you thinking, Dawes?"

She bit her lips looking around her, then she removed her shades and smiled at him with a cheeky undercurrent, "'Ave you ever spent the night in a Travelodge, boss?"

XXX

Molly shoved the key in the lock and she pushed open the hotel room door, she led the way in, and put the key onto the side and turned around.

Charles licked his lips as he wheeled in and looked up at her with a hint of a smile, "So...you've successfully managed to lure me back to your lair, then..."

She went over and pushed the door shut then she nodded round the room, "this is a nice room, init"

"Fuck the room, Dawes", said Charles as he wheeled himself next to the bed, she followed him inside and closed the curtains.

She turned feeling like this was her first time. She cleared her throat, "Do you need me to..."

Captain James shook his head, and managed to get himself out of the chair and onto the bed, he removed his beral from his head and chucked it onto the side and looked over at her, there was lust in his eyes.

"You're keen...", she smiled, and went to lay beside him.

He turned and rested his head on his elbow looking down at her, he stroked her face and smiled at her, "do you know what you are doing? I mean...", he hesitated.

Molly shook her head, "Yeah...and I want to, I _really _want you to"

He rubbed his thumb over her lips and down her cheek, then he lowered his mouth to hers and he kissed her gently. She responded with his hand slowly caressing her neck.

He pulled away, their gaze locked into one another, "there'll be difficult times ahead, Dawesy...not everybody will accept us being together if we go down this path"

She looked up at him, his brown eyes were so alluring. They captured her heart because it was beating so fast as she became lost in them.

"then all we can do is face it together then...two against the worlds better than one my granddad used to say"

He smiled at her and they kissed again, starting something that both knew could split their worlds in two, but also that felt very strangely right.

...end...

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_**Edit: I apologise for the strange upload error, I think it happened before and have had to re-upload using another laptop.**_

_**I didn't notice 'till about an hour ago because I've been out. Hope it was worth the wait, and not some big disappointment.**_


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